Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs: What Smart Professionals Can Learn From This Age-Old Advice
My oldest friend and I have a quick reminder we mention when we see the other needs it: do not cut your own bangs. We use this age-old wisdom when the other is not at her most clear-headed – a warning to be cautious about making any big decisions.
While cutting your own hair is pretty low-stakes, the motivation that drives real or metaphorical bang-cutting is legit. Behavioral economists and social scientists have shown over and over again that when people feel at the whim of circumstances, one way to reduce stress is to find an opportunity to take control.
As a leader, an employee, and a consultant to leaders, it makes me think:
How can we quickly exercise agency, individually, while not making poor choices? and
How do we ensure we’re not creating or contributing to an environment or a system that drives other people to rash decisions?
Let’s start with the first one.
Agency (or How can we take personal control without making poor choices?)
Whether you aim to stay in your current role/department/company or you want to start looking for a new gig, you still need to adjust your mindset now. Here are some ways to do so without metaphorically waking up with uneven micro fringe.
Examine your values – Ask yourself how you want to spend your time. Consider why and how the current situation isn’t serving you or conflicts with that. Think about what you’re really good at that you also enjoy. Then make your moves in those directions.
Set goals – Setting short- and long-term goals can really help redirect the anxiety that comes with feeling like you don’t have control. They can even be super inconsequential goals. But setting and reaching a goal can provide that dopamine hit that perhaps your current situation is lacking.
Take initiative – Just like goal-setting, taking action on something that can make your life better can keep you from reaching for the scissors (metaphorically speaking). Think about efforts that address something in your work life, those that move the needle on your larger career, and those that drive progress in your personal life. I also recommend looking for opportunities to take initiative to help others. Any chance you see to put yourself in a position of action vs response is worth it.
Be clear – and vocal – what you want – The clearer you are about what you want and where you’re going, the easier it is for you to get there. When your direction is front-of-mind you will start seeing opportunities and making connections to help you get there.
Expand your world – Whether you take a class to gain career skills or overcome your fear and go out to dinner by yourself, opportunities and connections open up when you put yourself in the vulnerable position of being new or doing something you don’t already know you’re good at. Take the risk.
Be real about your current situation – Is your frustration temporary or systemic? Is it something that could legitimately be made better by some time off? Is any of it due to actions (or inaction) on your part? It’s a hard mirror to look into, but before you do anything dramatic, try to consider, from others’ points of view (and those of your own highest, best self) whether/how you may have contributed to the situation and how you might help yourself get out of it.
Systems (or How do we make sure we’re not driving other people to rash decisions?)
Making systemic change takes time. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start, now, within your own sphere of influence. Here are some ways leaders can create or contribute to a generative, thoughtful culture.
Examine your expectations – It is so easy, in the haste of the day-to-day, to assume that everyone knows what we want or that they approach their work the same way we do. And a great way to create an environment ripe for bang-cutting is to be vague and leave folks wondering whether they’re headed in the right direction. Bottom line? Actively question your own assumptions and turn them into clearly stated expectations that everyone has access to. Repeat them often.
Create opportunities for your employees’ self-determination – Once you have your expectations laid out, make sure your team members have ample autonomy and flexibility in how they meet them. These employees are closer to the day-to-day work and thus best suited to know how to meet your expectations. Just as important, though, is that the more agency people have, the more they feel seen as trusted professionals with something to contribute to the team or organization, an important component of a more functional system.
Be intentional about recognizing employees’ contributions – It’s not enough to tell your people that if they don’t hear anything from you, they must be doing a good job. If your goal is to help create or contribute to an environment where people aren’t inclined to make rash decisions, they have to know that their contributions are seen and valued (and, conversely, if they’re not, being clear about that in real-time is also vital).
Foster an environment of open communication – I’m not going to say a lot here about this as there are any number of books, podcasts and TED Talks you can find on the topic. But it’s still important to mention the impact open communication can have on the systems in which we work. Find ways to seek out and really listen to employee questions, challenges to your assumptions, and constructive feedback. Create a habit of sharing as much organizational and departmental information and context as possible as often as you can.
Set the right example – Regardless of title or number of direct reports, you can recognize a leader by their approaches to decision-making, creating an inclusive environment, transparency, and more. Basically, by the small things they do daily that demonstrate their values and those of the organization. Congruency in behavior goes a long way in contributing to a system people want to work in.
Really listen – How can you support employees’ development and growth? Or provide the right opportunities for them to develop their skills and advance their careers? Or ensure they have the resources (time, money, tools, training, support) to do their jobs effectively? Allocate specific time on a regular cadence to discuss what folks are looking for in these and other areas. Then – and this is crucial – follow up on what you hear. Being both heard and supported by a genuinely interested leader can help employees feel more in control of their work lives.
In the End
If you work long enough, you’re liable to have a cut-your-own bangs moment or two. The key is to do what you can to limit rash acts for yourself and others. Take a breath and
assess the situation from a few angles,
determine what actions can and should be taken right now, and
plan steps to make things better over the longer term.
… and maybe hide the scissors.